Hair Apparent  (ooh, bad pun, baaad pun...)

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My RPG game's Miroku player asked me a question yesterday.  The following is the result of that   question...  

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          Hiei lay quietly on a branch not too high off the ground, the little youkai for once as peaceful as a certain redheaded fox.  The reason for this was easily discerned, as said fox was lounging on another branch nearby.  Hiei casually let his arm fall from his branch, where it was conveniently placed to play with the long, silky red strands.  Slowly, he worked his fingers deep into the soft tresses, stroking his koibito's head lovingly.

          "Nani?"  His fingertips had tripped over an object that was definitely not a seed, nestled in Kurama's locks.  Careful not to pull any of the fox's red strands, he freed the item from its position.  "Kurama..." he said slowly, "... there is a DOLL in your hair."

          "Is there."  Hiei shoved the toy before his itoshii's gaze.  "It's called a Barbie doll, Hiei-chan."

          Hiei stared at the plastic thing in his fist for a long moment before noticing something strange.  Ningen clothes still looked weird to him, but... "Why is it dressed like that crazy ningen from that Rocky Horror thing you made me watch?"  Kurama merely gave him an enigmatic smile, one that Hiei knew meant he'd never get an answer out of the secret-loving youko.  "Hn."  Tossing the doll aside, he began finger-combing Kurama's hair determinedly.

          "What are you doing, itoshii?"

          "Hn."  Another object met his questing hands, and he took this one out as well.  "Isn't this OUR futon, fox?!"

          "I had to put it someplace Kaasan wouldn't find it.  Besides..."  Kurama smiled wickedly at him, "... I can get it on short notice."  Hiei blushed and quickly draped the futon on a branch out of the fox's reach.  But he blushed even brighter at the next item he found.  "Ano...!"

          "Oh, I was looking for that!  Arigato, Hiei!"  He plucked the toy from Hiei's fingers with a wink.  "I like you better, koibito... you're bigger."

          "Baka."  He returned to his search, more to avoid Kurama's knowing gaze than out of any real curiosity.  Finding the dildo had fixed that.  "Now what?" he muttered.

          "Hm?  Oh.  Random fanfic author.  They have their uses... put her back, would you?"  As Hiei did so, he found more.

          "How in the three worlds did you keep this tea hot?!"

          Another secretive smile.  "Why?  Would you like a cup?"

          "No!"  He stuffed the tea set back into hiding, getting something caught on his arm-wards.  He yanked it free.  "Dammit, Kurama!"

          "It's not what you think!  It's my cousin's favorite American football team, I'm just keeping them safe in the off-season!"

          "I bet you are." Hiei grumbled, throwing the horde of big, muscular guys as far from the fox as he could, and punting their buckeye-headed mascot after.  (OSU rocks!  Sorry: family loyalty thing)

          He decided to make sure Kurama didn't have any more guys hidden away.  His next search took all of about two seconds.

          "This is most illogical."

          "Damn right it is!  Dammit, Spock, I'm a doctor, not a prop!"  Hiei threw this pair away as well and continued.

          "I love you, you love me...."

          Hiei shrieked for the first time in his life, ripping the wards from his arm.  "Jaoh Ensatsu Kokuryuuuha!" he yelled in complete horror.  Within seconds (far longer than it would take for a ningen OR a youkai, though), the massive purple creature he'd found was reduced to ashes.

          "Arigato, Hiei.  I couldn't get rid of it."

          "Hn."  What else was in there that might be dangerous?  He rummaged through the soft tresses, somehow managing to reach in up to his elbows (L-space, hyperspace, spandex-space (yay GW!), 4th-dimensional space-time warp, etc....), and pulled out,  "A hammer?"

          "Ranma, you are so DEAD!" a voice shrieked.  A small, slender hand reached out from the long tresses, grabbed the mallet, and yanked it right from Hiei's grasp.  Both vanished into the concealing red locks.  Hiei instinctively lunged after it, caught something, and pulled.  What emerged was NOT the lost hammer, though.

          "Oi, Kurama, what the hell is this thing?"

          The youko turned to eye the strange contraption balanced on several branches behind him.  "Oh, that?  I forget."

          "You WHAT?!"  But Kurama ignored him, leaning in to read a small label on one of the metal faces.

          "Hm... 'Mars Polar Orbiter'..."  He clapped his hands.  "Now I remember!  It was almost impossible to get that!"

          "It's ugly."

          "It is, isn't it?  Do you think I should give it back to NASA?"

          "Hn."  Kurama beamed and nodded permission (I'm going to have to find out how he does that reading-Hiei's-grunts thing next).  With his incredible youkai strength, Hiei promptly threw the ungainly piece of American technology into a low Earth orbit. (several hours later, the team at NASA went into the ningen version of a total systems overload when they discovered the missing billion-dollar Mars probe)

          Hiei glared dubiously at Kurama's thick hair.  Sensing his scrutiny, the (damn) youko winked mischieviously at him.  "What's wrong, Hiei?  Do you think you've found everything?"  A sharp ruby glare directed at the fox only served to create a burst of silvery laughter.

          ".... Hn."  Faced with a challenge that direct from his fox, Hiei settled behind him to run his hands through the locks once more.  His fingers almost immediately brushed against something, making him wonder if somehow Kurama had control over the location of everything in his hair.  Knowing the youko, he probably did.  Fine, if Kurama wanted him to find this, he might as well satisfy his curiosity.

          "A rock."  Hiei was completely nonplussed.  Until he turned the large chunk over a few times.  "A... nose?"

          "Distinctive, isn't it?  I picked it up in Egypt a couple of centuries back... the whole statue was too big for me to lift."

          "That's IT!"  Hiei snarled, stuffing the carved boulder back into the redhead's hair.  "This is completely ridiculous!  I DON'T want to know what else is in there!"

          "Why, Hiei..."

          "Don't 'Why, Hiei' ME, fox!  You can take your damn secrets and stick 'em u..."

          "HIEI!"  He clapped a hand over the little youkai's mouth, nearly cursing when sharp fangs dug into his palm.  "OW!  Hiei!"

          "I'm mad at you."  He deliberately turned his back on the fox and pouted, not realizing how unbearably cute he looked when he did that.

          "Oh, Hiei... I'm sorry."  Kurama wrapped his arms around the glowering fire demon's chest and nuzzled his neck.  "Would you like me to make it up to you?"

          "Hn."  The youko grew more persistent with his cuddling, and finally Hiei succumbed to the inevitable.  Kurama chuckled inwardly as he pulled Hiei from the tree.  It had been annoying, hiding all those things in his hair, but it was definitely worth it...

Owari!  ^_^.