| Disclaimers:
Yu Yu Hakusho is the property of Yoshihiro Togashi, Shonen Jump
Weekly, Fuji TV and Studio Pierrot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I'm warning you, this is kind of pychotic, blame my boredom YAOI again. I'm for the Hiei-Kurama tandem! (In case you never noticed). This is dedicated to two of my precious, unfortunately psychotic friends (ducks as books are thrown everywhere.) Who are they? You'll know. They didn't bother to come up with aliases. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CAST OF CHARACTERS Maria.................................... Kurama Captain Von Trapp..............Hiei Leisl.......................................Shizuru Fredrick.................................Yusuke Kurt........................................Kuwabara Martha...................................Keiko Brigetta.................................Botan Gretel....................................Yukina Father Abbess.....................Koenma Baroness..............................Mukuro Millicent................................as herself Lilian.....................................as herself ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Setting: On the hills, Kurama is seen on the open meadow, calling forth his youkai to grow wild flowers and trees Kurama: Hmm. The hills are alive because I wasted my ki making them so. Hohum. This hobby is getting boring again. I'd better think of something else to amuse me. Just then the bells of the monastery summon him Kurama: Yikes! I'm late again. Father Koenma will give me another one of his boring lectures. Kurama dashes back to the monastery as the introductory music of the Sound of Music play ***** Kurama is called by Koenma ***** Koenma: Oi, Kurama. You have transgressed again. Your orders were to use your youkai to grow vegetables inside the monastery not on the hills outside. Kurama: Gomen, father. But my youko spirit is very strong. It wants freedom from seclusion. And you gotta admit that a box garden is very secluded. Koenma: Hmm. In that case Kurama I'll assign you to tend to the biggest garden in Austria yet. The Von Trapp's. Kurama: I'm going to take care of their garden? Koenma: And Captain Hiei's siblings for afters. Kurama: (whines) But why father? How can you torture me like this, a fox spirit? Koenma: As payment for not shaving your hair. (stares at Kurama's long red locks) Yours is the only one in the monastery and the others are starting to question my authority. Kurama: (pouts) I can't use my youkai powers with no hair. Koenma: Hmp. Vain! Very well then just do good there. ***** Kurama at the Von Trapp's residence ***** Hiei: Hn. You're the girl from the abbey? Kurama: Actually, I'm a boy and I came from a monastery of monks. Hiei jawdropped Hiei: You look like a girl! Kurama: (winks mischievously) Why, thank you, Hiei. Hiei: (scowls at Kurama's familiarity) you may call me captain. And just for the record, I sent for a girl from the abbey, not for a redheaded bishonen. (glares at fanfic author) Kurama: When can I meet your half a dozen and one kids? Hiei: Excuse me, but I have only half a dozen. Kurama: (grins) Not after this you wont. Hiei: (wide-eyed) Nani! Not again! Kurama: Silly youkai! Now's not the time for that. First I need to see the children. ***** How Kurama established rapport with the half a dozen children ***** Kurama: Why are you not close to your father? Yusuke: Hmp. He objects to public displays of affection. Kuwabara: Not that he shies away from that bionic woman's carresses! Kurama: Bionic woman? Yukina: Baroness Mukuro! She's going to steal our father away from us. (near tears) Shizuru: Not to mention our inheritance! Botan: Maybe you can think of something Kurama-chan? Keiko: Yes, then we can live happily again. Kurama: I have a plan, but it involves no singing whatsoever. Kuwabara: I don't get to sing? His brother and sisters shushed him Kurama: Here's the deal. I'll take your father away from Mukuro's clutches, but he wont have time for you more than ever after that. Yukina & Botan: (innocently) Why not? The other children blushed. ***** Kurama and the children swim ***** Hiei was talking to his guest, his fiancee Mukuro when he heard his children called. They were soaked, they had just taken a dip on the icy waters, not that Yukina complained. She was positively blooming with the cold.
Hiei: Hn. Look at all of you and with your aunt Mukuro seeing you too! Mukuro: (faking a smile) It's ok, Hiei. The children like to swim, let them.
Her smile turned to a frown when she saw a bedraggled, but still sexy redhead coming out of the water. The fire demon hissed under his breath. His body was beginning to smoulder in black flame, when he saw Kurama whose clothing had clung seductively to his body. Kurama on the other hand muttered darkly to himself. Why in inari's name did he allow himself to be cajoled by the children to swim on the water with nothing to change on. He felt like a drowned rat in front of the very poised and elegant Mukuro. He stopped in front of Hiei and Mukuro, head a little bowed. Hiei: Ahem, Mukuro, this is Kurama from the monastery. He's here to tend to the kids. Mukuro's bionic and non-bionic eyes widened. Mukuro: He's a guy?! Hiei: Hn. (looking at Kurama appreciatively) Kurama: How do you do? Mukuro grasps the redhead's arm. Mukuro: Why don't you change into something dry? I can escort you. Hiei: Mukuro! What do you mean? Mukuro: Nothing. I just wanted to be nice to him. Hiei: Hn! Kurama turns away from the both of them wearily. He was very cold and these two idiots were detaining him for so long. He went to his room and stripped his wet clothing when he felt hands embracing him. Kurama: M-Mukuro! What do you think you're doing? Mukuro nuzzles Kurama's red hair. Mukuro: You are such a sexy ningen. Why haven't I seen you before? I would have snatched you years ago. Kurama frantically pushes at the clinging woman Kurama: (to himself) Inari. I'm going to be a good monk if I can get out of this unscathed. Just then the door was pushed open violently Hiei: Mukuro! I know you really are such a sneaky woman. What do you think you're doing? Hiei advances as Kurama hastily dons a robe. Hiei grabs Kurama by the arm. Mukuro swiftly left them afraid to face Hiei's wrath. Hiei: I'm warning you stay away from my fiancee! Kurama: Nani? But she started it, she took me by surprise while I was dressing. Hiei: Hn. Nevertheless. It's all your fault prancing around in that sexy getup. Kurama: That wasn't a sexy getup, I was wet! Hiei: My point exactly! Don't hang around the house when you're wet! Kurama was angry! If Hiei thinks he was seducing his bionic woman, he'd better think again! Kurama: I'm leaving. Hiei: (scowling) Oh? Why? Kurama: You asked why? You humiliated me! Hiei: Just because I told you not to walk around the house wet? Kurama: Silly youkai! You think I seduced your Mukuro! Hiei: Che! She's not mine! Kurama: Whatever! I'm still leaving. Hiei: (angrily) Fine! Go! Who needs you?! For some strange reason, Hiei was hurt that Kurama wanted to leave. Kurama hated leaving but Hiei asked for it. Koenma was worried. Kurama was on his best behavior! And the monastery kitchen was brimming with too much vegetables, they were rotting! He glanced outside the monastery and stared at the withered plants on the meadows. The whole monastery was filled with green plants, his eyes boggled with them. What's happened to Kurama? He won't even get out of the monastery to see the sunrise nor the sunset. He decided to call Kurama then. Koenma: Kurama, is there something bothering you? Kurama: Nothing. I'm just a bit depressed. Koenma: Why is that? Kurama: (exasperated) The fanfic author wishes it, although I can't see why I should be. Koenma: We have to put a stop to your depression, Kurama. Kurama: (wearily) How? Koenma: By following your heart. Kurama: (sniggers a little) I thought the fanfic author will say by following my libido. Koenma: Kurama really! (shock and blushing) Kurama: Ok, sorry. I just want us to finish this pychotic fanfic Koenma: Me too! Never in my 500 years as son of Enma did I think of becoming a monk. Kurama: (thinks seriously) Hmm. I could be. Koenma: (cuts Kurama's train of thought) Go, Kurama, go back to the captain's house before you alter the script. Kurama: (persistently) But I want to be a monk! Koenma: (slyly) And sacrifice your hair?! Kurama: (very much a vain fox-demon) On second thought.... ***** Kurama back at Hiei's house *****
Kurama approaches the house Kurama: (to himself) The things I do for vanity (sighs and fingers his long red hair) The children all ran to him and embraced him Yusuke: Glad to see you back, Kurama. Shizuru: (smoking) About time too! Kurama frowns at Shizuru Kurama: `Don't tell me you're already chain smoking at this very early stage? Shizuru: This is a parody, remember? Just then Hiei appears from the doorway Hiei: You're back. Kurama: (copying Hiei's expression) Hn. Hiei: Are you staying for good? Kurama: It depends. Hiei: On what? Kurama: The fanfic author's mood. Hiei: (scowling) stupid ningen girls! Mukuro comes out of the house and sees Kurama. Heart-shaped signs appear on her eyes, but she struggles to contain them Mukuro: So, Kurama. You're back. Kurama just looked at Mukuro quietly as Hiei observes them both with an inscrutable look on his face. Mukuro: Hiei, koibito (emphasizing the last word) Kurama's head shoot up upon hearing the word. His heart ached so much, he gasped. He staggered to his feet. ::::::::::Interruption:::::::::::::::::: (Kurama: This fanfic is so corny!) (Hiei: And all mushy, mushy! Hn!) ::::::::::Oi, interruption over::::::::::: Hiei: (concernedly) Kurama, are you all right? Kurama: I-I'm fine. I'm having a trek-lag. Hiei: Trek-lag? That's new. Kurama: I invented it. Imagine trekking from Japan to Austria! Hiei: You don't say! You're from Japan too? Mukuro: Hmp! Baka! Aren't we all? And we're losing the script. As I was saying Koibito, (stressing the word again, looking evilly at Kurama who was turning green) why don't we let Kurama help in entertaining the guests? Hiei brightened at the idea. He himself didn't want to entertain guests. Why should he? He'd rather toast them with kokuryuha! Kurama dressed himself in his usual exclusive `Kurama outfit,' unconscious of His stunning beauty. The white shirt underneath the crepe de chine, Emphasizing his emerald eyes and the silky softness of his crimson hair. When He appeared on the ballroom. All eyes were riveted to him and murmurs of Appreciation touched women's lips as the men in the room eyed him curiously, Some enviously. Kurama didn't know what to do next. Hiei and Mukuro were really splendid host and hostess! Leaving him to fend on his own. Enter the psychotic friends. Millicent: Hello, my name's Millicent. What's yours? Kurama: Kurama. Lilian:(love signs on eyes) Are you still single? Kurama: I'm going to be a monk. Hiei: (overhearing Kurama's answer) Fat chance! Mukuro: (overhearing Kurama's answer) Not if I can help it! The party swings as Kurama was given wine from left to right and the redhead was getting drunk and drunk until he dozed off. All the girls rushed to his side, deciding to place Kurama in the master's bedroom. They placed him on top of the bed and sighed longingly. Kurama was so enticing, so beautiful when asleep. Some of the girls couldn't contain themselves any longer and were about to grapple Kurama conscious or not when a voice cracked out. Yusuke: Stop! what do you think you're doing? Kuwabara: Hmp. Father was right! Stupid ningen girls! Shizuru: (facing the women) What were you contemplating? The girls rushed past them guiltily. Botan: Is he alright? Yukina: (feeling Kurama's forehead) he's very drunk and his skin's too flushed Keiko: We need to do a sponge bath on him. The boys paled. And the girls giggled. Then Mukuro came from the doorway Mukuro: Leave him. I'll look after him. Yusuke: Nani? You? I don't think so. Shizuru: You've been drooling all over him at the party. You were too obvious. Mukuro: (turns astonished eyes toward her) How did you know? I stayed as far away as possible! Shizuru: I'm psychic. Mukuro: Well, so what? You should be happy. I'm not going after your father anymore. I want this redhead. Keiko: Too bad. We want him too. Mukuro: Nani? Kuwabara: As a father, baka! You have such a dirty mind. Mukuro: (coaxingly) Children, I can convince your father to give you more freedom, just let me have my way with Kurama here. Yukina: No! Father likes him a lot! Everyone turns to her Yusuke: How do you know, Yukina? Yukina: I just do. Hiei: Hn. And she's right and if you are all finish with your boring lines Let's get to the action Mukuro: Two-timer! And I thought you were faithful. Hiei: Well, I was and I am, but not anymore. I knew you've been planning to seduce him and you'll never succeed. Yusuke turns to his brother and sisters Yusuke: Time to get out now. Kuwabara: Really? We can get out of this boring fanfic? Shizuru: I'm just glad I was able to smoke or I'd be bored to tears! The children exit as Hiei started taking off the bandages from his right arm Hiei: I don't want to use this on you Mukuro, so please don't force my hand. Leave Kurama and me alone. Mukuro: You may have won this battle this time, Hiei. But, I'll see you on the next fanfic. Hiei: (smiles evilly) I don't think so. Mukuro: How can you be so sure? Hiei: Fanfic author has always been a crony of mine. I've been bribing her since she started writing! Mukuro: Of all the unfair... (mutters darkly and stomps out of the room, banging the door furiously) Hiei gazed down at the sleeping Kurama, a wicked smile on his face. So Kurama wants to be a monk, does he? He'll see about that. Kurama stretched languorously, his body felt very sore and his throat was very dry. He opened his emerald eyes and stared at his nakedness, he nearly fell on the bed when a possessive hand held his waist firmly. `Awake again, fox?,' Hiei asked, his burgundy eyes still closed. `Hiei, what are you doing here?' Kurama choked as he saw that Hiei was naked too. `You seduced me, sly fox,' grinned Hiei. `I-I don't believe it!,' answered Kurama incredulously. `Hn, too late now,' said Hiei, grabbing Kurama's side locks and kissing the redhead hard on the lips. `H-Hiei, stop it,' protested Kurama. `Hn,' said Hiei. The fox was unbelieving, eh? He had to do something fast. He snuggled more closely to the fox and murmured. `You have to marry me now or I'll sue you for sexual harrassment,' Hiei warned. `Big deal as if anyone would believe you,' answered Kurama. Hiei frowned. The fox was too confident. Then a wicked grin transformed his face. `You're not going anywhere until I'm done with you,' he told Kurama. Kurama smirked at him. `You forget, I'm part youko! I can easily tell my plants to get rid of you.' `Hn. I just washed the seeds from your hair,' said a satisfied Hiei. `W-what?! You silly youkai why'd you do that for?,' asked an annoyed Kurama. `If only to get you in my arms, Kurama,' answered the youkai promptly and kissed the redhead to silence. Nine months later. `Kuramaa, Kuramaa,' shouted Hiei. `What is it, koibito?,' asked the redhead. `I'm about to give birth,' said an annoyed Hiei. `Calm down, koibito. Don't panic,' admonished Kurama. `Hn. Easy for you to say!,' grumbled Hiei. `Well, I wanted to become a monk and you forced my hand in marriage,' Kurama reminded him. `Hn. It's that silly fanfic writer. How could she make me pregnant!!!' Kurama laughed. `Koibito, I bribed her!' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~OWARI~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hiei: Hn. Silly fanfic author! Silver shuriken: (sweatdrops) Sorry, Hiei-chan Kurama: I just love the last part! Silver shuriken: The love scene? Kurama: No, the time we ended the fanfic! Silver shuriken: Aw, kitsune. That really hurts. (sob) Kurama: (sweatdrops) Gomen nasai, please accept this rose. Silver shuriken: Can I get a hug? Kurama: Hai Silver shuriken: And a kiss? Kurama: Err, y-yes. ****pounce**** Kurama: H-hey.Ummmmph Hiei: (scowling darkly) Hn. Stupid ningen girls! Stupid fox! Mukuro: I was right! I was right! This fanfic author hates me! |